Bangladesh, April 7 -- Once hailed as the sacred marriage of democracy and economic prosperity, the European Union now finds itself standing at the altar of global trade with its vows in tatters, watching as the United States, under a renewed Trump presidency, tears up the wedding contract and serves it back with a fresh set of tariffs. A new 20% slap on EU imports from Washington has sent Brussels into damage control mode, trying to conjure the illusion of strength while the foundations of its economic model crumble beneath its feet.

European Commission President Ursula von der Leyen, the unelected matriarch of the Brussels machine, donned her most regal tone to assure the continent that “Europe holds a lot of cards.” But it...