New Delhi, April 6 -- My dear son, I'm watching Adolescence on Netflix, and I need to over-articulate my limited understanding of human nature using terminology from therapy and gender studies. If you wish to be a modern man, you must talk about your feelings; talk, talk, talk. Not podcast; the world doesn't need another podcast from a male. Talk to people who love you, and since they would be very few, also talk to underemployed friends who love to gossip.

You are showing some toxic signs already, or at least they seem toxic. For instance, you spend hours alone because you love it. Your love for sports demonstrates a clear need for aggression and ambition. You have never plucked a single flower, which is disturbing. You don't read made-...