Kuala Lampur, Nov. 26 -- I flew to Perth for the first Ashes Test - a small act of devotion, really. Five days ring-fenced, notebook ready, the slow theatre I love: morning cloud, a hard Kookaburra, and batters who remember the courage of not playing at one outside off.

It ended in two.

Two days. The Ashes - a Netflix mini-series. Somewhere between gate change and baggage claim, Travis Head unfurled a 69-ball hundred (equal-fastest by a Test opener, second-fastest Ashes ton after Gilchrist's 57 at the old WACA) and England collapsed in stereo. It was, the statisticians informed us, the fastest Ashes Test result since 1888. I had five days of notes pre-labelled; Perth gave me two. That frustration, more than anything, made me write this....