Kuala Lampur, Nov. 26 -- I asked my oncologist if it was normal, the weakness and stiffness I felt, the aching of my joints and how hard it still is to move.

"It's the side-effects of your medication," she said as she looked at me, with what I think was pity.

"You're in menopause now."

Then she prescribed me a small mountain of supplements.

She'd asked if I wanted painkillers and I was very insistent about refusing them.

In a tiny drawer I keep a stash of the "good" painkillers, the ones I will only reach for if things have gone badly enough that I cannot go a conscious moment without being bothered by pain.

Sometimes I forget where I keep it, which is fine because I have zero intention of taking them because I know too many people ...