Kuala Lampur, March 19 -- Sometimes I have really bad ideas.

My most recent one was thinking that I could relieve my back pain with massage machines.

I found out the hard way that it wasn't my back hurting, it was my kidneys.

How do I know that?

By drinking some water right after using massagers, it was like being skewered right through my kidneys.

I also found out that for cancer patients in treatment, massage machines of any kind are a really bad idea.

You see, when you are in cancer treatment your entire body is the equivalent of an overboiled wet noodle.

Thanks to my overenthusiastic use of a back massager I was in excruciating, intermittent pain for nearly two days.

As I write this I am happy to report I am no longer in any p...