India, July 15 -- A couple seated across from me in the therapy room recently told me that while they love each other deeply, there are times they cannot stand one another. Not new to therapy, they chose to be brutally honest about their situation in the hope they could experience some movement in the relationship. After 25 years of marriage, they find themselves fighting more than ever. The love is present, but they are not sure if that's enough. The wife held her husband's hand and told me, "There are more doubts than ever about whether we can make this work - both of us have mixed feelings for each other and yet we don't know what to do." Relational ambivalence often makes it to therapy sessions - it shows up as mixed feelings experienced in relationships between partners, among parents and children and friends. They are caught in feelings of intense love, connection and respect, as also irritation, anger, rage and hate. This sort of ambivalence however excludes occasions of abuse. It can be overwhelming to find oneself in the midst of conflicting feelings for the same person because culturally we are told over and over, that whether it's our children, or other relationships our love needs to be wholehearted and pure. As a result, when ambivalence strikes, we begin to doubt everything we have known, and experience dissonance. For some these contradictory feelings may lead to shame, guilt and even self-loathing. Others may experience an urge to resolve it, while some resort to a state of denial. Our ambivalence, whether we are aware or not, finds a way to express itself - either in fantasies that we carry internally, dreams, withdrawal or feeling numb for others. It is normal to experience this, although sometimes in our pursuit of wanting to oversimplify how we see people, we fall into a trap of familiar narratives - of unconditional love or seeing the world as black and white. The reality is that we are complex as human beings and so are our feelings. Ambivalence isn't a red flag always, merely a reminder pointing to issues within the relationship which require attention and communication. Acknowledge the feeling and that it is uncomfortable. Most clients struggling with such situations hope for easy answers. There are none. In fact, ambivalence requires deep work, commitment to the self and the relationship to be able to make an informed choice. Every one faces it at one time or the other to varying degrees. I have come to see that a huge part of being human is the ambivalence we carry across relationships at various points in our life. When we find ourselves at such a crossroad, we need to ask ourselves some tough questions, develop an ability to pause, reflect and be patient. When faced with ambivalence, instead of choosing to run away or taking an impulsive decision or falling into a pattern of numbness, choose to work with a professional, hold space for your feelings and take time to explore your own motivations....