India, June 10 -- A 28-year-old client in therapy tells me, "All of my social media timeline is filled with narratives of how to work towards happiness. However, everyone, including me, seems to be unhappy, struggling or feeling disgruntled with life. Do you think I am chasing the wrong goal?" Over the last few years, I have also noticed a trend where the pursuit of happiness has taken the shape of an obsession and led to a compulsive need to act, behave, think in ways whereby we believe we will achieve happiness. This lens rests on a faulty premise that happiness is a destination or a place where we can reach and that once there, the feeling will continue to linger. Secondly, it seems premised on the fact that if we behave in certain ways, the results will always work in our favour. This creates an illusion of control, whereby we forget that there are factors we can control such as how hard we work, the effort we put in, the values we bring to our relationships but at the same time there are factors which are beyond our control such as a volatile economy, natural disasters, illnesses or accidents. Lastly, we seem to forget that what feels and looks like happiness is a constantly shifting goalpost, linked to the idea of arrival fallacy. When people do achieve the goals they wanted to, the satisfaction, joy they thought they would derive doesn't seem as much as they had expected and as a result, they often end up feeling disappointed and start chasing the next shiny ball. Often after a big promotion, or the acquisition of a house, clients report the joy that they anticipated was much dimmer than imagined. Most importantly they describe how the feeling didn't linger for too long. One of my clients for instance, told me, "I thought I would be elated after my book was published and sold well, but shortly after I was left with a feeling of what next, and all those warm fuzzy feelings that came with the book doing well, dissipated really quickly leaving me wondering about what was it that I was chasing." All these not-so-rational beliefs around happiness and what it means is contributing to a certain helplessness and confusion. My sense is that the more we chase happiness, the more disappointed we can end up. There is an unending thought perhaps that 'We are not doing enough' or that 'We are not as happy as we should be.' When clients find themselves at this juncture of life questioning what they need to aspire for, I find it useful to gently direct them to the qualities or feelings they seek when they strive for 'happiness'. I also find it imperative to remind them that the absence of happiness doesn't necessarily mean unhappiness. Adulting also lies in recognising that most days will feel ordinary, mundane and may not evoke any great sense of joy, elation or satisfaction. Keeping happiness at the centre of our existence can lead us into a pattern whereby we run the risk of becoming selfish, working only towards goals that are self-serving and forgetting that a sense of giving, contributing to the community, or collaborating with others, can give us meaning, joy, satisfaction and purpose. Working towards these goals may be a better idea than looking at life only through the lens of chasing happiness. Another way to look at is to understand what are the things that it takes to build a good life. As we begin to answer these questions, we may recognise that even on days when not much seems to be happening, we can still experience pleasant emotions because of the social support we have created or the presence of loved ones, and most importantly an acceptance that life is hard and often full of challenges. Grief will touch all lives regardless. A quote by Rabbi Nachman of Breslow captures this beautifully: "The whole world is a narrow bridge, and the main thing is to not be afraid."...