India, Sept. 13 -- Is everything okay in the jeansverse? This July, American Eagle tried to tell us that Sydney Sweeney had good jeans (their racist pun evident in her blonde hair and blue eyes). Gap clapped back with a "better in denim" campaign, featuring multi-racial girl group, Katseye, dancing to Kelis's 2003 anthem Milkshake. But for an ad that claims to be inclusive, everyone looks suspiciously the same size, and in low-rise fits. Then, Levi's enlisted Beyonce in rhinestone-encrusted bootcuts. Alia Bhatt is in the India campaign (in a sparkly, roomier fit). Taken together, the ads prove one thing: Jeans are not your friends. They're an acid-washed hoax. Here are the lies we've been sold. Sure, wear jeans if you must. But don't believe there's one pair to rule them all. The industry keeps selling us mom jeans, dad jeans, boyfriend jeans - how many family members will denim go after? What to do with the pile of one-time classics in our wardrobes? No, we don't want to cut them up to make a tote bag!...