India, July 2 -- The morning of June 13 was one of the most dreaded for a pilot who had recently taken command of the A320 after seven years as co-pilot. As details of the Air India crash came in and theories on the causes did the rounds, not only did he get a sinking feeling when he thought of his forthcoming flight that afternoon, but his wife and ageing mother's incessant replaying of the videos and those 32 seconds before the airplane blew up in flames gave him the jitters. "A lethal combination of awe (that something like this was at all possible), trauma, shock and disbelief (ATSD)", is how he described the feeling. As he finished lunch in his Gurugram apartment and began to get ready to leave for the airport, his wife and mother surrounded him and urged him to call in sick. They too needed a day or two to absorb the shock of the unreal nightmare that had unfolded on TV, computer and phone screens The pilot, who asked not to be named finally caved in and called in sick, unaware that he was actually one of many both in his airline and in the rival carriers to have done so. For days after the crash, pilots and cabin crew across the country looked for ways to cope with what may had, prior to June 13, considered a one-in-a-billion event. Almost all domestic airlines saw a few sick call ins, some due to pressure from family members than a case of nerves. The three "dystopian" days, as many in the sector described them, post the crash, did require some re-rostering and rescheduling on the part of Air India, a spokesperson for the airline confirmed, with a few commanders, first officers and crew calling in sick, although he claimed that things were back to normal by Monday, June 16. Air India management - which was in a state of shock itself - did put peer counselling into place - AI buddies were available for anyone who felt they needed counselling to carry out their duties as required and psychologists were available at the main airports for both the employees and regular fliers to avail of their services if need be. In a country where any kind of mental support is frowned upon and perceived as a sign of "madness" if not weakness, how many senior commanders or staff actually availed of these remains opaque. Neither was the effort to support flying staff adequate nor was it very effective, according to sources both in the airline and the sector. But it wasn't just pilots. Not far from where the pilot lived, a woman fretted as her daughter, studying in the US, boarded an Air India Dreamliner to come back home for the summer. The 21-year-old was flying alone and had, just like the rest of the world, witnessed the horrific accident. The mother, who asked not to be named, knew the chances of a repeat were truly slim but her mind kept playing games and she stayed awake in panic half the night, reaching an hour before arrival to receive her only child at Delhi's T3 terminal. Although she did not take the extreme step of asking her daughter to cancel the trip, many fliers did and platforms across India reported a drop in bookings and some cancellations post the crash in domestic trips, an expected and natural response to a disaster of this magnitude. While there is a name for the condition, post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), matters are now acquiring a more worrisome nature as the pilots and crew say the uncertainty of not knowing what happened is killing them. "It's one thing to see an incident like this play out and quite another to have no idea why it occurred (almost three weeks later)", says a senior Indigo commander who asked not to be named. He says he is spooked, especially when he looks at his new-born infant, who is less than six months old. While he has been reporting for duty since the Monday after the crash, he says his mind is not at rest and is "riddled with a million uncertainties". The endless speculation on the cause of the crash has not helped. While a majority of pilots and crew seem to have found mechanisms to cope, some continue to suffer from the after effects of the trauma , reliving and replaying it in their heads. While the travelling public was spooked too (even though public memory is short) and followed the news and causes of the crash far more closely than most other events, it was those placing themselves daily in the cockpit responsible for many lives that needed -- and still need -- support. Many commanders now say they feel jittery especially since no clear cause had been announced. More than one expressed the "need for clarity" . They also cited pressure from their families, wives, old parents and dependents to go on "long leave" . That isn't possible for everyone; in many cases, the pilots are the sole earning members of their family. As one Bengaluru based commander who recently took command on an A320 Neo put it : "There's more to it than just me and how I am dealing with it. This silence on the possible cause is making things worse : the uncertainty of not knowing what unfolded in those 32 seconds and led to what it did." He says he has called in sick once, after looking at the face of his eight-month-old daughter. Moreover, he adds, asking not to be named, he keeps replaying what might go wrong even as he enters the cockpit for his next flight and adds that he can almost hear the collective prayers from the cabins behind. The only consolation factor is that the probability of a similar episode is almost nil. "Dual engine and complete failure of the kind this appears to be can only be a lapse of maintenance or a manufacturing defect," said another commander who asked not to be named, admitting that the probability of a repeat is extremely low. The pilot cited in the first instance said that while he managed to go to work from the Monday following the crash, it hasn't been easy. Every time he emerges in his uniform, his wife responds by banging doors, his mother sulks and he's greeted by long faces. He says most families mof pilots he knows are asking the pilots "to avoid flying till they know more" as they too need some sort of closure While avoiding flying is certainly not possible for all, the pressure at home is building up and safety has replaced other dinner table conversation, he added. A former Indian Airlines senior management member recalls a similar situation playing out post the 1990 Indian Airlines A320 air crash in Bengaluru, which killed 92 people. The A320 had entered commercial service only the year before (1989) and many were not convinced of its operational efficiency and safety features. The government took a decision to ground the aircraft, which was "economically disastrous" for Indian Airlines at the time but helped reduce anxiety levels among pilots and cabin crew. "Flight safety is not confined to machines. It is all about the confidence levels of the pilots in the cockpit", argued this person, adding that it is incumbent upon the director of flight safety in Air India who would be privy to this crash investigation to allay fears within the crew. Aviation industry executives say that this crash has exposed the inherent weaknesses in the system especially with regard to emergency response plans. "Although widely advocated by IATA, it seems in the heat of the moment, no systematic emergency response plan appears to have been executed", says a former MOCA secretary. IATA offers a structured emergency planning and response course for airlines and airport staffers as part of its safety management systems. While the former has been attended by 450 participants from 90 countries in the past five years, the latter has been attended by 149 participants from 34 countries. To what extent Indian carriers or airport staff are trained is not clear. "Such courses and training in a country as widespread as ours remain more on paper and in theory," argues a former DGCA official, adding that coordination at a national level when a crisis erupts response tends to remain haphazard. In a column in the edit pages of this newspaper, this writer suggested setting up a ministry for trauma care to handle accidents precisely of this nature. While a preliminary explanation for the crash has not yet emerged, there has been a very poor emergency response and post crisis handling with authorities at all levels including the office of the director general of civil aviation (DGCA) inadequately equipped, trained and staffed to handle a disaster of this nature. What has played out is inexcusable for a country with the magnitude of ambition India has....