India, Aug. 28 -- Courts can't be a solution to everything, the solicitor general of India recently said. So is the case with laws. The alleged dowry killing of Nikki Bhati in Greater Noida flies in the face of the laws prohibiting dowry and domestic violence. It forces us to ask why these laws have failed to be a deterrent. Both these laws are criticised when misused to settle scores in a marital discord or deemed ineffective when a life is actually lost. These are, of course, no solution for fixing a bad marriage because marriage should be based on mutual affection and not social considerations. The problem is that such laws, particularly dowry prohibition and the prohibition of child marriage, have had little actual effect. To illustrate, the dowry prohibition law penalises both giving and taking of dowry. It would be difficult to cite an example where the party giving a dowry has been prosecuted. While the alleged act of the accused Vipin Bhati is undoubtedly culpable, there are many aspects of the case that need our attention as well. Consider the statement of Nikki's father, who said that the family knew of the torture and excesses that Nikki suffered at the hands of her husband and in-laws in previous instances and had brought the woman to the parental house, but after the intervention of their "samaaj" (caste community), sent her back to her matrimonial home. The father even questioned the utility of taking the matter to the authorities/courts when their "samaaj was with them". This is exactly why these laws suffer from gaps with ground realities. A woman has many custodians in our society, except herself. Didn't the father contribute to her fate? Consider her uncle's statement: "My brother sold his property, gave a Scorpio car and Rs.10 lakhs of jewellery. It was the biggest marriage in our village". While takers don't find it criminal and shameful to take dowry, givers don't realise giving dowry is encouraging and culpably contributing to the crime, even as the law punishes both acts. In fact, until the woman is sacrificed in this give-and-take, no one minds it much. Laws alone can't change much here, and it would be delusional to expect the change to come from society. The first step towards changing the situation has to be taken by the women themselves. It's for them to seize their own custody. No matter how much we resist this understanding, marriage in India has been reduced to a transactional event for custody of a woman, shifting from the parents to the husband/in-laws. Dowry is the consideration for which the two families exchange custody. These laws have been tested for many years now: While there has been considerable punitive success, there has been little preventive success. The fundamental problem is that marriage has been entrenched as the central axis of people's lives, particularly girls. Parents are in a hurry to marry off their daughters. Otherwise, what stops them from refusing dowry demands? Sometimes, parents of the women themselves say things like "we will spend this much and give this and that". Many women, too, take pride in lavish marriages and extravagant gifts given to their in-laws by their parents. Of course, dowry is called "gift" - often termed the woman's share in parental wealth - right until a crime like domestic violence or dowry torture/killing happens or the marriage sours. Women must make their education and career the central axis of their life, and their families need to support them in this. They need to aim for self-dependence rather than marriage. They also need to exercise their rights to find their place in the parental family. While women in dissolved marriages seek alimony and maintenance from their husbands and their assets emphatically, most women relinquish their share in parental property or coparceny property, though that's their birthright after the 2005 amendment in Hindu Succession Act. Dowry is often deemed the alternative for this share by the parental family. Until women exercise their rights within their parental family in their own interest and enable and empower themselves to be financially independent, the problem may not be solved....