Pakistan, April 18 -- Once upon a time in a land - where everything accompanies a side orders of fries, where bald eagles soar and where balding reality TV stars become presidents - a courageous, orange-tinged warrior rose to the highest office in the land. His mission? Should he choose to accept, and he did! To protect the American middle class from the tyrannical threat of. reasonably priced foreign goods. In other words, an epic onslaught on globalisation revolving around a tale of tariffs, tweets, and tremendous misunderstandings of international economics.

Before Trump's announcement of his "beautiful tariffs" - his words not mine - the average chump thought a "tariff" was either a new McDonald's smoothie or a type of French baguett...