Uganda, March 10 -- Mpuuga flew to Ukraine to meet Putin. Sure, everyone thinks Putin is in Russia but Mpuuga knows better. You see, Putin is a former KGB spy. So he knows how to be in two places at the same time while not being in either place at all.

It's a feat he learnt while with the KGB, which stands for Komitet Gosudarstvennoy Bezopasnosti (Committee for State Security). You see, security required him to never reveal where he was. And according to impeccable sources, his hair behaves the same way.

That is why he looks pie-bald, yet he actually has a comb-over like Donald Trump. His powerfully flowing hair, for security reasons, is thus hiding. Just in case you ever wish to trim his powers.

On the flight over to Russia, Mpuuga be...